Last fall I began an art journal to explore my path after taking my Beautiful Girl off to college and finding myself feeling rather lost and directionless. I journalled my feelings and I journalled my dreams that felt
significant upon awakening. Mostly what I came up with was taking a leap of faith, but with no idea of what direction or how or when. It was ultimately frustrating, as getting part of a larger message usually is, so I eventually stopped working in the journal, though I would look through it from time to time. I decided that since months before I had had a feeling of some big change coming soon, I probably just needed to wait and see. It was the equivalent of the gypsy with the crystal ball telling you a tall, handsome stranger will change your life... at some point. Ugh!
About a month and a half ago, I was sitting in a meeting for my job which should be wonderful but has just been soul destroying for too long, and someone was rambling on in such a ridiculous and self-serving manner. On the outside, I was responding in the appropriate manner, but on the inside, my eyes were popping and I was thinking THIS IS INSANE! THIS IS SO INAPPROPRIATE AND UNPROFESSIONAL AND WHAT AM I DOING HERE? I need to make a decision because this is a really toxic atmosphere. And so I made the decision. The next day I gave a 4-week notice so as not to leave them high and dry. Miraculously, my daily chest pains ceased. Sleeping through the night didn't kick in until a few days after my last day, but I'm enjoying 8 straight hours of sleep a night now. I haven't taken an antacid since I gave my notice either. And surprisingly (or maybe not) a couple of other people have left as well since then.
So I took my leap of faith and
jumped without a net. The outpouring of support and love I've received
has been staggering. Apparently, when you take a true leap of faith,
others have faith in you. When I say a true leap of faith, I mean I
knew to my very bones for months and months that this is what I had to do. The universe was telling me in many unequivocal ways that this leap was meant to be, had to be, must take place. Of course there were a couple of people, as there has to be unfortunately, who, in the guise of being caring and concerned, had to deliver their message of doom and gloom: what? nothing lined up? in this economy? oh I'm worried about you. I have been reading the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron and recognized their behavior immediately. These were folks that wanted to do what I did. Who talked about leaving and being unhappy, but always had a new reason they couldn't. They were projecting their fear onto me. And so, I was able to smile, thank them for their concern, and move away from them towards positive, supporting people and their energies.
For a little over a week now, I've been resting, recovering and building. In addition to a fence around our backyard, I've been building a new life. I've gone through journal entries and charts I've created over the last two years - written even before I had an inkling of this leap - and sorted through what my heart and soul had been needing. I gave myself two weeks to rest at the suggestion of my wonderful husband in order to get to a healthy level. The second week is almost done and I'll be looking for a job that has 
less stress and much less toxicity for money flowing in. Other than that, I'm not picky really. So I have faith that that income will come about and am not worried about it. Most of my energy (other than that used for the fence) has been put towards making my artwork into my art work. I figured that if I could put the energy and organization that I put into my job into my art, I could really have something. And I knew that if I didn't try, I would regret it for the rest of my life.
I'll write about my progress in upcoming posts. But for now, a little work on the fence and a new painting is calling.
And I'd like to leave you with a thought: You might be afraid to think big, take a chance, grab your dream by the hand and shout "let's go!" Because of this economy, everyone is playing it safe and not thinking big. What better time to think big and go for it when no one else is? You have very little competition right now.
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